Behaviours that kill relationship trust

Trust is the bedrock foundation that all healthy relationships are built upon. Without trust, there can be no true intimacy, vulnerability or depth to a partnership. Yet trust is a fragile thing that is easy to damage and hard to rebuild once it has been broken.

In my years counseling couples, I've seen many behaviors and patterns play out time and again that steadily chip away at the trust between two people. Once that trust erodes, the relationship begins to crack under the strain until it eventually crumbles.

If you want to build lasting trust and security with your partner, it's vital to recognize these corrosive behaviors and replace them with transparency, accountability and reliability. Here are the top 10 trust busters to watch out for:

1. Telling White Lies

Many people think that little white lies are harmless, but that's simply not true when it comes to romantic relationships. Every fib or omission of truth, no matter how minor, plants a seed of doubt that can grow into major trust issues down the line. Be scrupulously honest, even about small things.  

2. Breaking Promises 

When you make a commitment to your partner and then don't follow through, you send the message that your words hold little value. Unreliability destroys trust rapidly. Only make promises you are absolutely sure you can keep.  

3. Shady Behavior

If your actions don't match your words, your partner will sense the disconnect. Shadiness includes everything from an unexplained change in habits to obvious flirting or sketchy interactions with others. Transparency is key to building trust.

4. Betrayal of Confidence

One of the deepest violations of trust is when you share your partner's personal information or deeply held confidences with others without their consent. What's discussed between the two of you needs to stay between the two of you.   

5. Jealousy and Possessiveness

Constant suspicion, baseless accusations, and attempts to control your partner's behavior are toxic trust-killers. Healthy relationships allow freedom and respect each person's autonomy. Jealousy is often a projection of one's owninsecurities.

6. Refusing Accountability 

We all mess up sometimes, but refusing to take responsibility for your actions is a major red flag. A repair of trust becomes possible when you can acknowledge your mistake, apologize sincerely, and make a solid effort not to repeat it.  

7. Secrecy and Deception

If you find yourself routinely deleting texts or emails, hiding your online activities, or outright lying to your partner about your words and actions, you have some deep soul-searching to do. Secrets and lies erode trust at a foundational level.